SPORTS
H2H3 Running Wild
H2H3 run 127 MUD, MIRE AND MUTILATED MONKEYS
Ballbanger, that philanthropic phrasemaker, and his oscillating Aussie offsider, Long Ron, were the Hares for Run No. 127 of the Hua Hin Hash House Harriers on 19 July 2008. We splashed down at a point some kilometres west of Springfield Golf Club and most arrivals were timed so that rain was no longer actually falling at the precise moment of disembarkation. This run had been advertised widely as the ‘Monkey Run’ by Ballbanger who as a former deck jockey in Uncle Sam’s Floating Forces, would have no conception of the horrid memories evoked amongst former infantrymen by this term. The Monkey Run, the Leopard Crawl, and the Snakebelly Slither were movement techniques instilled into reluctant conscripts during basic training by the sadistic, psychopathic NCO’s of the Brutish Army.
H2H3 had expected to be joined on this afternoon’s enterprise by a contingent from the Wildlife Rehabilitation Centre as a prelude to Hashing at that venue on 30 August but in the event even the reports of apes in anguish failed to entice them to attend. Explanations of markings, check points, false trails, hazards, and caveats regarding mutilated monkeys were delivered by Ballbanger and Long Ron and received with total disregard by all and sundry before we set off into the damp and dripping interior. Underfoot conditions, while slightly soggy in places, were not as bad as might have been dreaded, so the Runners soon set off at a steady sprint and elongated the field considerably before the checks came into play and allowed the field to concertina again into a more cogent coagulation. We passed along forest paths, circumvented pineapple plantations, ascended blessedly gradual slopes and were treated to some wonderful vistas of visual verisimilitude across undulating plains and hills for as far as the eye could see. The area is picaresque and lends itself beautifully to Hashing and as we toiled along these trails Chris was heard philosophising about how these trails came to be made in the first place and for what purpose. Receiving no encouragement or stimulation from his puffing and panting co-Hashers he was forced to admit defeat and conclude that these were elephant trails and probably the trunk routes of an earlier time. Just as we were dismissing the Hares’ preamble as so much bulldust suddenly, lo and behold, we were confronted by an assembly of anthropoid amputees. These unfortunate and pathetic creatures were more than somewhat subdued, perhaps not surprisingly, and in dire need of some TLC from the missing members of the Wildlife Rehabilitation Centre. H2H3’s contribution to their health and wellbeing was to refrain from stealing their bananas and to take innumerable pictures of their deformities to sell to the more lurid of the tabloids.
There was no split of Walkers from Runners so we just had to ‘Robert Wilson it’ and “keep right on to the end of the road”. Some of the hardiest and most persevering of the Walkers reached the beer truck the same day as the Runners and were rewarded by some tiny drops and dribbles of beer which the Runners had been too ashamed to consume. Slackbladder called the circle soon after dark just after the last of the Walkers had been found by the search parties and did the usual round of Down Downs and introduced a plethora of visitors. One of these visitors, Tinkerbell from Hong Kong, told us that in the Hong Kong Hash if you want to come into the circle to say something you put your beer on your head. This sounded like an incredibly quaint custom but Slackbladder, ever the diplomat, expostulated, “It’s not like that here mate. If we see you with your beer on your bonce we reckon the drink has gone to your head and you are under the influence of alcohol.” So saying, the illustrious G M dismissed the circle, as some people had left already to go to Church anyway, and dispatched us to the Chicken Coop for the On On On.
H2H3 run 128
THAI A YELLOW RIBBON ROUND THE OLD BLOKE’S KNEE
On Saturday 2nd August, the last day of the Glorious Goodwood Race Meeting, the Hua Hin Hash House Harriers had a meeting of their own at the unmanned police post a few kilometres west of Hua Hin. Hares for the day were Butt Out and Scotch Tape who were flattered and overwhelmed by the magnitude of the turnout - obviously it was a quiet day in Hua Hin and Cha Am. Promptly at 5pm after minimal mouthings and mumblings from Scotch Tape, H2H3 sallied forth to meet the challenges of this previously untried terrain. In an early manifestation of the shape of things to come the Runners immediately improvised by ignoring the assiduously-laid paper trail and charging off in pursuit of their own devices until the yells of derision from the Walkers prompted them to look back, turn around, and pound sheepishly back up the hill to rejoin the proper trail. The trail zigged and zagged through light brush to the foot of one of the huge pylons which march in ranks across this area, where the first checkpoint did little to hinder the forward impetus of the front runners. Onward the indefatigables galloped, ignored the enticing signs to the Smart Village, fully cognisant as they were of the incompatibility of Smart and H2H3 in the same context except when accompanied by a negative. A further check near the first of the water features did delay progress sufficiently for those further back to keep the flying front men in sight for a while but by the time the divergence point for Runners and Walkers was reached the Runners had opened up a considerable lead on the Walkers. This hiatus between the two factions was exacerbated by encountering a cattle stampede after the Runners had passed by but just as the Walkers were approaching and it was only the timely and expert deployment by Slackbladder of his newly-acquired cowbell that allowed H2H3 and the cattle drive to pass by without unseemly incident. The Runners, under the auspices of Butt Out, scampered on over fairly open heathland, then into thicker bush, always encouraged by Butt Out’s very distinctive yellow ribbon markers at strategic points, until they emerged at another more significant water feature. Here they had to plunge down a steep slope to the very edge of the water before having to scramble up a rough and rocky ridge to regain some semblance of a trail again. It was reminiscent of wandering down to the banks of Derwentwater to begin the ascent of Scafell. Having returned from the depths to an approximation of sea level the Runners now faced an undemanding Odyssey among bush and scrub trails which allowed them to whizz along at a merry pace enjoying the panoramic views across the countryside.
Meanwhile the Walkers had passed their second water feature and romped along a rural roadway to the prettiest of the water features - a lovely little lotus pond. It was shortly after this idyllic sylvan scenario, during a forlorn foray through a patch of more closely packed woodland that Mother Chick encountered and was confronted by a 44 feet long wood snake which increased the Walkers’ average speed more than somewhat. Out on the main trail again the Walkers breathed sighs of relief, jointly and severally, at their deliverance from evil and strode out in happy expectation of a straightforward finishing stretch - but alas it was not to be. That sado-masochistic schemer Butt Out had laid the lure of the yellow ribbon off to the left to drag the unfortunates back into the bush for the final few furlongs. As suggested earlier, improvisations now became more and more apparent as 69Forever abandoned the Runners to their own version of Hell and set his own trail to join up with the Walkers. Brambles Bill proved himself the most travelled Hasher of the day by emerging from a trail unfrequented by Runners or Walkers. Dave the Rave was the last of the Runners to return having dallied to dwell on the delights of the departing day while Mudman brought up the rear for the Walkers, having cherry-picked the bits of the trail he liked, Onefer and Sparky were the Front Running Barstewards closely followed by a gaggle of Walkers including Chris, the horny Slackbladder, Space Cowboy, The Mingster, Mother Chick and other assorted beneficiaries of serpentine- assisted acceleration. When all had been accounted for Slackbladder summoned everyone to the circle by blowing his horn and dished out Downs Downs with grey abandon in the face of impending rain until beer supplies had been diminished; whereupon he banished a substantial residue of Hashers to Khun Oy Restaurant for the On-On-On.
Scotch Tape
Insight
You may have seen them locally, toiling along on some dusty trail on a late Saturday afternoon. They are the Hua Hin Hashers, and they follow a noble tradition. Hashing was born in Hua Hin 8 years ago. On the blustery afternoon of 8 July 2000, Tom and May Crowley ‘hared’ the first local hash where the Banyan Golf course is now. Two others showed up for the afternoon run. The Hash tradition extends back to an old English schoolboy game of ‘Hares and Hounds’. In this activity, elected ‘hares’, out on the course first, left a trail of paper scraps along their route across fields, hedges, streams, bogs and hills; and the ‘hounds’ followed this trial for some 8 miles or so later. One of the earliest Hares and Hounds runs on official record was the ‘Crick Run’ at Rugby School in Warwickshire in the English Midlands, first held in 1837. A similar activity named ‘Paper Chasing’ followed for those older than schoolboys on Wimbledon Common, southwest London in 1868 promoted by the Thames Hare & Hounds Club, the oldest running club in the world. The organisation began in the autumn of 1867 when a group of London oarsmen grouped together to get fit during the winter. Alone among British athletics clubs, TH&H has a tradition similar to the Vatican in that presidents (but not Popes) are elected for life. The Hash House Harriers as known today was founded in Malaya (now Malaysia) by Albert Stephen Ignatius Gispert, an English chartered accountant, who gathered together a number of fellow expat businessmen in the area to form a harrier group who would run in the local countryside and then enjoy drinking together afterwards. The first run was held in December 1938 with the other founders being Cecil H LeeFrederick ‘Horse’ Thompson, Eric Galvin, H M Doig, and Ronald ‘Torch’ Bennet. The club was named after the dinner room of the Selangor Club, known as the ‘Hash House’. Not long after that, a strong Hash group started up in Singapore, in those days a Crown Colony of the UK. The idea of ‘Hashing’ soon spread, interrupted only by World War II, and the ‘World Hash House Harriers’ website now claims that the organisation has ‘19,524 members and climbing’ with 1,866 Hash Groups representing 178 countries in the world directory. When the Hua Hin Hashers gathered for Run Number 126 on Saturday 5 July 2008, 33 runners and walkers set off without ceremony to celebrate the 8th anniversary of the local club. The site, at the military holiday camp on the Pranburi road, was quite near Hash Run number one that had been hared by Tom and May eight years earlier. Current ‘Grand Master’ ‘Slackbladder’ outlined the course and called the ‘Hash Circle’ afterwards. The first walkers were out for just under 49 minutes, and the first runner came home by a much longer route in just over 63 minutes. There seemed to be plenty of beer, soft drinks and crisps available for everyone at just 100 baht a head. Of the original four, former Outward Bound workers Tom and May are sadly no longer together: May works in New York, and Tom is based in Bangkok these days. Vietnam Veteran Tom was succeeded as Grand Master by Doug East, former co-owner of the popular ‘Little Big Horn’ bar in the bazaar. Doug and other early members, including Bill Evans (‘Bramble Bill’) and Keith Trevallion (‘Taipan’), still vividly recall Hua Hin’s second run in August 2000, which was taken over by a large band of Bangkok Hashers, who steamed down in a convoy of cars, charged everyone 400 baht a head for beer and crisps, and then cut a noisy swathe at the ‘On On’ reception held near Khao Takiab later that evening. Doug East was the second H2H3 Grandmaster, followed by Don Tetley (‘Ballbanger’) who nursed the club through some lean times to its current thriving status with sometimes up to 60 runners/walkers turning out on a Saturday afternoon.
Hash reports in local papers worldwide make wonderfully incestuous reading; so full of in-jokes and hash name references that only the local hashers themselves will be able to follow the text - and understand the sutbleties of some of the subtext.
Packs of dogs can be a problem out in the countryside and some members carry sticks to ward off the barking critters. Nick Smithee (‘Mudman’) can testify to a particularly vicious canine ambush last February which required medical attention. There are Hash rules: anyone unwise enough to turn up in brand new trainers will have to drink beer out of one shoe after the run...and anyone taking the run too seriously is forced to do a special ‘down-down’ (drink a glass of beer swiftly as the Hash Hymn is sung by all hashers in the circle). ‘We have great fun running or walking across beaches, pineapple fields, jungles, up mountains following flour and paper trails in search of cold beer and some camaraderie at the end of the run/walk!’ claims a local Hash poster. Everyone is welcome to a Hash Run, no matter if they are aged 6 or 90. The local group here likes to claim that, “If you have half a mind to join us, that’s all you need!”
Ray's Regime
For those of you perhaps considering some serious training, this month Ray Roseman takes a jog down memory lane. He recalls, ‘At my peak, before an injury ruined my career, I ran a sub four minute mile, aged 30 years and 34 days. Statisticians tell me that I became the 108th man in the world to ‘go sub-four’ on 23 July 1969 at Motspur Park in Surrey, England.
On 18 occasions over six years before that day, I also clocked between 4 minutes 00.2 seconds (4:00.2) and 4 minutes, 2.4 seconds (4:02.4) for the mile, which is 1,609 metres. My best time for the Olympic distance of 1500 metres was 3 minutes, 42.7 seconds (3:42.7) and I ran 800 metres in 1 minute, 50.8 seconds (1:50.8). In the 54 years since Roger Bannister became the first men to ‘go sub four’, less than 1,100 men worldwide have run sub four minute miles, making it a pretty exclusive club even after all that time.
To give you an idea of the fitness level involved in those days, here is an example of a week’s training that I would do in the winter, followed by my spring/summer schedule:
Sunday - 10 to 12 miles easy running on the road and up steep hills on the Sussex Downs. This would take between 60 to 70 minutes. Monday – Warm up by jogging 1.5 miles; then a track session of 5 times 1,320 yards (3/4 mile) in 3:25 to 3:30 for each with a 440 yards jog in 3 minutes interval between repetitions. Warm down jog of 1.5 miles. Tuesday – 1.5 miles warm up; then a track session of 20 times 220 yards in 32 seconds each with 30 seconds jog between each repetition. 1.5 miles warm down. Wednesday – Track session. 1.5 miles warm up, followed by 6 times 660 yards (1.5 laps) in 95 seconds (1:35) each with a quarter mile jog in 3 minutes between each repetition. 1.5 miles warm down. Thursday – Easy 6 miles run on road. Friday – Rest. Saturday- A cross country race of 12 kilometres (7.5 miles).
‘And here is a typical week’s training in the spring and summer: Sunday – (am) 10 miles run on the road/country in 55 minutes. Monday – 1.5 miles warm up, followed by 20 times 220 yards in 28.5 to 29 seconds for each repetition, with just 30 seconds recovery between repetitions. Tuesday – 1.5 miles warm up, followed by 6 times 440 yards in 60 seconds for each repetition and a recovery jog of 220 yards in 60 seconds between each repetition. On other occasions, the session might be three times 440 yards in 52 to 53 seconds, with just 30 seconds recovery between each run – a very tough speed session! 1.5 miles warm down.
Wednesday – If no race was planned for the weekend; I would run 1.5 miles warm up followed by 3/4 mile in 3 minutes; then jog for 10 to 15 minutes followed by 10 times 220 yards in 27-28 seconds with half a lap jog in one minute between each repetition, then 1.5 miles warm down. Thursday – 6 miles easy running. Friday – Rest. Saturday – Race for the club, usually over a mile. 1.5 miles warm up, then racing a mile, typically winning in times from 4 minutes, 1 second (4:01) to 4 minutes, 6 seconds (4:06). After racing I would run about 3-5 miles to warm down and then drive home. ‘During my active career, I once also once ran ten miles (16.09 kilometres) in a road race in 49 minutes and 37 seconds (49:37). That’s an average of 4 minutes 57.6 seconds per mile for ten miles…. now this may seem fast, but consider that the current world record for the men’s marathon (2 hours, 4 minutes and 26 seconds) works out to an average of 4 minutes, 45 seconds per mile for 26.2 miles!
‘I never considered myself to be an exceptional talent, but I managed to better the Olympic Qualifying Standard for 1500 metres in 1964 and 1968. I mention all this to show just how much punishment the human body can take. I’m certain that anyone below the age of 30 and with enough natural ability to sprint around one lap of a standard 400 metres track in 55 seconds can eventually, with the right training and motivation, run a four minute mile, or the metric equivalent of 3 minutes, 42 seconds (3:42.0) for 1500 metres.
‘Hard training tears you down; but you also get a ‘rebound’ effect as you get fitter: by regularly stressing yourself, your body recovers faster as it becomes accustomed to the strain; eventually allowing you to train harder still, and get faster when you race.
‘In those days, I had to fit my training around my job; but I managed to achieve world class standard at my chosen sport in spite of only training six times per week and working as a self-employed sales representative.
‘Of course, for over-40’s just aiming to keep healthy, it is only necessary to exercise every other day, and without the severity of the training I have described.’
Ray’s book, ‘Dream to Reality, The Ray Roseman Story’ is now available. Contact: rayroseman@yahoo.co.uk
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