SPORTS
H2H3 Running Wild
The H2H3 will run at the Wildlife Friends of Thailand on Saturday, 30 August. This event is expected to include in excess of 50 runners and walkers as many volunteer workers of the center will be joining the fun. This wildlife rescue center which provides a home and cares for elephants, tigers, crocodiles, bears, monkeys, gibbons birds and other wildlife is located northwest of Cha Am near Kaenkrachan . For details about the center check out the website, www.wfft.org The run will start at 5pm. The On-On- On will take place at the centre with food provided by the host. Take this opportunity to see this rapidly growingwildlife rescue center by arriving early sothat you will have plenty of leisure time before the run. A Midsummer Night’s Dram, H2H3 run 125 On a sultry Summer Solstice the mites Of Hua Hin Hash House Harriers commingled cheerily on a site to the West of Hua Hin to participate in Run No. 125. The Hares, who were an hour or so away from full frontal vilification, provided minimal advice and maximum commiserations to the assembled zealots and sent them on their way. There was an early hiatus when the paper trail was not immediately apparent due to its dispersal by the unscheduled intervention of some strong stray gusts of wind from the edges of Typhoon Fengshen. Scotch Tape’s gesticulations from afar persuaded the doubters to scramble up and down the piles of earth excavated from a fairly serious type channel, and eventually to plunge down into the depths of the channel and back up and out the other side to encounter the first checkpoint. The short cutters wandering in from the woodland instead of grumbling up from the gulley, missed this checkpoint but were fortunate enough to be able to follow the true route runners in the proper direction round the lake. Leaving the lip of the lake the Hashersnow disported themselves along a seriesof paths disrupted at one point by a truly Machiavellian checkpoint which stayed their progress only somewhat, before proceeding to the pineapple pastures where theHounds of Hell lay in wait for Mudman. Fed up with being Flavour ofthe Month for the canine constituency Mudman gave up his pre-eminent position in the field toallow some of the others to negotiate a passage past these perilous
puppies. All too soon the parting of theways was arrived at and the Walkers were left to a less than arduous denouement while the Runners were right into a much more exercising engagement. A fairly straightforward trail led them to the Roman Ruins, so beloved of Ballbanger, and from that point into the bushy interior of Pedro’s Patch where Butt Out had laid out a series of labyrinthine loops that kept the Runners out of
mischief for a while. Indeed this trail was so tortuous that the whole area mayhave to be renamed Butt Out’s Byzantine Boulevard. However the intrepid Runners persevered through the semi-thick bush, along sandy, dried-up streambeds, and over rocky outcrops until they were able to cross over the main trail and head for
home through much thinner bush and over a barely-babbling brook. Meanwhile, back at the ranch so to speak, the Walkers and some notable shortcutting ex-Runners - Hollow Legs, Long Ron, Taipan, 69Forever, and the lustreless Slackbladder himself - were well into the wallop and wondering whether they could sweep it all before the first runner appeared. Even the slower Walkers who are usually among the later arrivals were safely home and watered before the first runner in
the form of the superfit Sparky appeared on the horizon. Soon thereafter the remainder of the survivors trooped in -Mudman, and then Cums First, Brambles Billand Mystery Man and eventuallyVernon and his casualty companion,
Bloody Ballbanger. It was literally Bloody Ballbanger as he was covered in claret from having taken a stumble and a tumble along the trail but being a quick-witted
sort of chap he had used his head to break his fall. The ever-understanding andcompassionate Slackbladder immediately Down-Downed Ballbanger for keeping us all waiting and then led a Chorus of Disapproval, not to say malediction, of the
Hares. After a few more miscellaneousDown-Downs Slackbladder attempted to officiate at the christening of Sparky andMother Chick’s daughter into the Hashas Bright Spark. He did achieve this in the end after a couple of unsuccessful wet
runs. Scotch Tape was Down-Downed for the misdemeanour of getting married on this day 19 years ago and as an additional penance the Hashers followed him home to Miss Snickers’ Lakeside Luncheonette for the On-On-On. A great time was had by all and one or two did manage toenjoy a Midsummer Night’s Dram. Scotch Tape
Swan Song For the Hash? H2H3 run 126 On Saturday 5th July, the day after America’s birthday, a heterogeneous collection of the unwell, the unwary, and the unwashed collected at the beautiful beach resort of Suan Son to participate in Hua Hin Hash House Harriers’ Run No 126. The occasion was also H2H3’s own 8th birthday but there was not a cake or a candle on site, or in sight even, just a gratifying gaggle of 33 Hashers gathered for the upcoming gallop or galumph around the countryside. Slackbladder and Mudman - a combination comparable to Lewis and Clark (The Sunshine Boys not the explorers!) - were the Hares and in that capacity proceeded toregale all present with a compendium of contradictory advice, instruction, an misguidance before sending the Runnersand Walkers off indifferentdirections.Walkers were welcomed by an attractive arboreal avenue where the forest floor was fine and firm and carpeted with pineneedles andelephantdroppings. The field became a bit strung out but strategically placed checkpoints pulled the headstrong leaders back and allowed the pack to
bunch up again. At one point it appeared that we were well and truly up the creek and far from being without a paddle, it looked as if we were going to have tohave a paddle. Fortunately more seasoned Hashers’ eyes prevailed and the true trail was located without bodily immersion. The Hash hierarchy really must explain to Mudman that he need not justify his nomenclature every time he Hares a run but of course this has not yet been done so we found ourselves wallowing in the mud of the tidal creeks from which the water was, mercifully, temporarily absent. By now the Runners had completed their little early loop and were following in the footsteps of their betters, but before theywere able to achieve parity a significantlandmark was reached indicating another parting of the ways for Runners andWalkers. Thisdirection indicator was in the form of a graffiti-covered signboard with mostly general abuse on it apart from a personal message for Hollow Legs. A supreme optimist must have inscribed this message because Hollow Legs has not covered that much territory on a
Hash in loving memory, instead he seems to prefer to rest in peace near the bier. From this point the Walkers were able to perambulate precociously to the beach proper and peruse the plethora of pristine pulchritude parading there. Any danger of strained ankles, calves, or thighs due to plodding through sand on tiredlimbs was totallyeclipsed by the very real risk of serious eyestrain due to overuse of ophthalmicequipment. Oureyes also enjoyed another treat as wewitnessed the tail endof the Runners stillheading in the opposite direction - howsweet Schadenfreude can be. Back atthe beer truck the Walkers luxuriatedin the unusual andunexpectedpleasureof uninhibited imbibing while awaiting the arrival of the Runners, and indeedwere privileged enough to be at the beerbefore the Short Cutters.Eventually all were accounted for and Slackbladder called the circle and dispensed Down-Downs to Stitch-in-Time and Sparky asFront Running Blokes. Little Joe was happyas a Sandboy to be Down-Downed as First Walker Back, while Hollow Legsand 69Forever were Down-Downed asStar Short Cutters. To celebrate the 8th birthday Slackbladder Down-Downed himself as GM, Ballbanger as XGM, Mudman as Hash Cash, Scotch Tapeas Hash Scribe and D Cocksedge as afounder member (we are still foundering)in a ceremony reminiscent of the end ofa pub crawlHaving decided against singing the Swan Song after all Slackbladder disassembled the circle and allowed numerous Hashers to disport themselves back to
the beachfront to the restaurant for the On-On-On. There was a very disquieting episode early in the proceedings when a blackout darkened the mood of the company but serendipitously power was restored and everything and everyone brightened up again. Scotch Tape Boys Will Be Boys, H2H3 Special men only run The boys of H2H3 made their big bid for freedom and self-expression by holding a Boys Only Hash on Tuesday 8th July 2008. Realising that the exclusion of the distaff side would seriously deplete the number of Hashers it was declared mandatory that each H2H3 member must bring two guests to swell the attendance and introduce some diversity. Fortuitously word of the Boys Only nature of the occasion had been noised around the parish and Hashers of a certain bent were only too keen to attend. An acute air of disappointment was discernable among the visitors as they assembled at the Chicken Coop in Cha Am when it became apparent that they were more than half-acentury
too late for the term “BOYS” to be in any way apposite. However once the jaws had stopped dropping the whole assembly set off enthusiastically to follow chalked-up arrows and squared paper around the urban environs of Cha Am. The built-up aspect of the environment presented different hazards from the usual Hash hardships. The prevalence of entertainment palaces in profusion along the way, complete with charming young visions offering unstinted commendations of the attractions of their premises were such that eventually it became very hard saying NO to the blandishments of a whole succession of Miss Orchids. Another hazard was the footbridge over the Petchkasem Road where Scotch Tape’s visitors Ben Doon and Phil McCavity became the first short-cutters when, because they were both kilted, neither one was prepared to precede the other up the stairs. Next to shortcut were Sparky’s guests, Empty Arms and Dell the Yell. Ballbanger had told us these guys came from a Greek island but he had misheard because of his intermittent deafness and the guys are actors so they had introduced themselves as Thespians, not what Ballbanger thought. Empty Arms has a long history of shortcutting but Dell the Yell insisted he would love to have completed the Run except that he didn’t want to leave his friends behind. So we progressed through the Cha Am market and alongside the railway tracks where Slackbladder’s Chinese cronies, Hung Hai and Donkey Clock, short-circuited to await a train back to Bangkok. Then at the rear of the Police Station Terry’s Scouse scallies, Nick o’Time and Bandee, were detained because of the outcry from the pursuing market stallholders whose wares they had liberated in passing. At the hospital we lost Rolo’s game geezers, Fallen Archie and Hammer Toad who dropped out to seek the services of a pederast, or perhaps it was a podiatrist. Ballbanger’s erstwhile shipmates, Weeping Willie and Teeny Wienie, lasted as far as the Paradise bar where they hijacked the rest of us from the primrose path into this less than salubrious saloon “just for a quick one” which seemed odd because they were allegedly teetotal. Eventually we left Paradise and regained the wilderness of Cha Am beach where Long Ron’s cobbers, Slender Bender and Dinky Dai opted for the ‘oggin while the rest of us spearheaded by 69Forever and his Daunty Dalesmen, Ewe Beauty and Foamy Nail, continued on to collapse at the Chicken Coop. Here we rejoined the Short-cutters, those out on bail, the hospital dischargees, the dripping swimmers, those who missed the train, and the fallen angels cast out of Paradise and commandeered an immense table to accommodate all of us while we usurped Deep Throat’s birthday buffet and wolfed and wassailed uproariously until the first streaks of dawn blemished the blackness. And hashers here in thailand now abed Shall look upon themselves and curse their fate And hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks That ran the boys own run on July 8 Scotch tape
Ray's Regime
‘This month, our expert Ray Roseman says, ‘All men and women over the age
of 40 should have regular check-ups on their liver and kidneys before dieting seriously. They can then follow the advice of their local doctor regarding healthy eating combined with exercise. ‘Here are my suggestions for three healthy meals a day: Breakfast: Cereal with milk or porridge; one glass of orange or apple juice. Twice a week eat one boiled egg with a little bacon. Finish with an apple or bread with a little butter, jam or cheese. Lunch: Drink a bowl of your favourite soup, and follow up by eating some fresh seafood with rice, potatoes and vegetables. The following vegetables are very good to eat with fish dishes – celery, cabbage, carrots, onions, spinach, peas and beans. Dinner (evening meal): A salad – perhaps a salmon, chicken or ham; or a curry (prawn or chicken) with rice and vegetables. When I cook a curry with chicken, I always use lots of vegetables with onions, red peppers, baby corns, green beans and mushrooms. Don’t forget tomato, also, which of course is really a fruit masquerading as a vegetable. ‘I advise eating a light meal in the evening, and drinking plenty of water with all your meals in this tropical climate; especially if you are exercising regularly. If you are a habitual beer drinker, I recommend cutting back to just one pint per night or perhaps one or two glasses of wine (with meals) three times a week. It will not be easy at first, but if you really want to drop your weight and reduce the size of that ‘beer gut’, then you must persevere. ‘I have found the best restaurant for lunch in Bangkok is the Hyatt which always has a good selection of soups and salads plus fish and meat. For a fee of 6,000 baht you can obtain a 50 per cent discount card for all your meals there for one year: a good deal for residents and expats. After exercising in my local gymnasium, I usually head to the Hyatt for a good lunch. ‘I advise against eating chocholates, sweets, ice creams, or burgers with fries (chips). If you are really addicted to these foods, then limit you indulgence to once per week. ‘Running on a treadmill is the best way to keep fit for me. I don’t like to venture out onto the pavement for training runs; the traffic pollution and roads in Bangkok are just not conducive to safe running. ‘During my competitive days, when I lived in Hove near Brighton on the south coast of England, I would regularly run 10 miles (16.09 kilometres) from Hove to Shoreham and back with my training partner Alan Bray. It was a coastal, scenic route and there was no pollution to worry about, but that sort of safe running isjust not possible with the traffic-infested roads of Bangkok today. ‘If you cannot get to a treadmill easily, aim to run for around 30 minutes every second day in a park near you. Lumphini Park just near my apartment swarms with people exercising every morning, some of them jogging whilst others do Tai Chi or calisthenics, and it’s very encouraging to see so many locals out exercising regularly. ‘Unless you are a real ‘lone wolf’, it is always advisable to have company when you work out. People engaged in fitness activity tend to encourage each other, and when you get fit enough to run and talk, engaging in conversation and friendly banter as you run really helps the time go by faster. ‘Just as business deals can be sealed over a game of Golf, health conscious executives can also discuss and review company policy and make future plans whilst running together through a park or pleasant countryside.’ More from Ray on diet and fitness next month. ‘Dream to Reality - The Ray Roseman Story’ is now available from Ray. Contact him at: rayroseman@yahoo.co.uk
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